5 Reasons Why Out To Get You is Out To Get You.
Hey all you GovFeed readers, it’s Friday April 8th, 2096! And that means it’s time for a new GovFeed list. This one, as always, is dedicated to the great leader. Love and Blessings be upon the great masters name.
– GovFeed’s Editor in Chief, Gloop Tanden
5 Totally Secret Ways to Please the Great Leader
- Submit before all laws and regulations
- Inform on your neighbors
- Give up your children to the greatest society
- Watch late night television
- Celebrate the two-party system as the only true voice of the people
7 Shocking Discoveries to Know If Your Lover Is an Anti-Government Infidel
- He asks questions
- She doesn’t think nostalgia and reboots are just the greatest
- He insists of free healthcare
- She prays 5 times a day
- He speaks ill of the great leader while he dreams
- She likes cats
- He gives alms to the poor
5 Ways to Remember Why Your Job at the Data Factory Is Great!
- You have a regular 55-hour workweek, that’s way less than the lowlys!
- The Benefits (5 Days paid vacation, work from a cell days, and death care programs)
- Once your eyes tire from staring at a screen all day, they will be donated to science
- You don’t have to see family or loved ones, remember they may one day incriminate you
- Free continental breakfast from the Corner Bakery!
7 Life-Saving Tricks To Avoid Being Sent to Forever-Camp
- Blame the crime on your neighbor
- Blame the crime on your sibling
- Blame the crime on your spouse
- Blame the crime on a foreigner
- Blame the crime on the opposition party
- Blame the crime on people who look different from you
- Kill Yourself
5 Things You Might Not Have Known About Under the Gun Theater’s Newest Show: Out To Get You
- It opens tonight, Friday April 8th
- It’s a Brand New Concept for Under the Gun Theater
- It runs Fridays at 9:00pm
- It’s so entertaining you’ll want to curl up in a ball and laugh/cry
- It’s less than an hour long!